I am so sorry for your loss!  / Margaret Daughter Of Angel Nellie Buonpane (Someone Who Cares )

Weep not in sorrow for that which is gone,
But in Joy for having once savored it's presence.

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My sweetest friend.  / Zack Van Brakle (Friend)

Chad and I first met online, years ago, as I was doing a project called "Agent Underwater" and myself or a friend stumbled over his music. We exchanged some files for remixing. Long nights of Iming each other back and forth. I always remember rushing my remixes, cause Chad was really anxious to hear them back then.

I met Chad at a rave (se7en) a year or so later. and I was so happy to finally have met the person that I talked to so many times. The boy who I heard pour his misery, his heart out in to song.

I remember my brother died in January of 2003, Chad posted something on his journal about it. Mentioning that he had died, and said something about keeping me in their thoughts. 

Chad stayed up with me most of that night, if I remember correctly. We didn't say much on AIM, but I think we reached a common ground. 

Then almost two years later, I was on livejournal, and I read words that made my heart stop.

Ty said "My dear friend Chad Miller was murdered last night...". At those words, I dressed myself in a black suit, and a white tie, and Ty, Lindsay and I headed to Indiana. Upon arriving in Vincennes, I knew why Chad always talked so fondly of moving to Cleveland. It was winter, so no botanical growth was to be seen, and even then, everything looked temporary. 

I remember my thoughts were crazy. TV static played over and over in my brain. "Chad Miller was found at his East Reel Avenue home last night".

I remember being in the cold, the cold was bringing tears to my eyes. I couldn't cry, as I was numb. But the cold brought tears to my eyes.

I barely slept that night. 

Months later, feeling more social as the pain had dulled a bit, we went to Vincennes to meet the people that we shared our love for Chad with. 

We met at Chad's gravesite. The turnout was tremendous. So tremendous in fact, that at one point, police cars were dispatched to the cemetery. After the outrage that someone had called the cops faded, we had a really amazing time. We visited some places that Chad had previously frequented. 

I will never forget Chad. 


"What have I become? My sweetest friend. Everyone I know, goes away in the end"

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What can I say?  / Ty Scheuerman (friend, fellow musician )
Way to make me cry, hon.  Reading over that simple summary of Chad's life has shown me how much you love your son, and realize yet again what you've been through.

A song I'm sure Chad could appreciate my referencing:

"I don't remember where I went or what I was drinking. I know it made me sick, and I'm not denying that I get this way when I try to get over you.  I get this way, will I ever get over you?  Sometimes it hurts so much to lose the one you love..." - Sometimes it Hurts, by Stabbing Westward

Chad will always be in my heart; right next to my dear friend Justin whome we all lost, as well.  It seems that as soon as I just had the chance to become an adult, horrible things began to happen to the people I care about.  I know it isn't going to envelope my life as it has yours - every day must be as night.  Remember, though, that all of us still care for Chad and especially you, Melanie.

Thank you for reading this. Close

It's hard to explain in a short excerpt.  / Brad Nicholson (Friend)
When the writing journals were published at V.U. I attended the ceremony.  Essentially the event was geared toward the writers to promote their writing.  The writers were to read their work, and explain the peice in a timely manner.  I observed the ceremony from a bench in  the back of the green.  While I was watching, a professor came up to me and asked me to read one of Chad's poems from the journal.  At the time, my friendship to Chad seemed somewhat notorious on campus.  The campus newspaper, as well as the Sun-Commercial, and various other news stations caught wind that I had been close to Chad once upon a time.  I always neglected to comment, or even speculate on the murder, or even my friendship with Chad.  Yet, this event intrigued me.  Perhaps I felt guilty about my silence.  I was tired of hearing asanine students remark to the varying media with this massive misconception of Chad.

So, there I was, walking up with the journal, and not knowing what to say to the audience.  I remember thinking, "I've never read any of these poems in this book."  That was the first thing I said to the audience.  I remember this occasion distinctly, not only to soothe my own guilty concious, but I had an excellent chance to perhaps tell the audience about a small part of Chad.  As a preface to the poem I told the audience about Chad's attitude and saying something to the degree of,  "I'm not exactly sure Chad would want this."

Now, I'm not trying to take anything away from this memorial site, or any other gatherings, but the Chad I remember didn't enjoy attention.  Perhaps that's why I only visited his grave-site once by myself, or why I choose not to partake in any Chad related activities.   I'm simply not sure what Chad would want.  I grieve in much the same way you all do, but I continue to distance myself from this terrible incident.

And  I have to add, I feel remorse.  The year before his death, I only saw Chad once or twice.  We used to buddy around quite a bit in high school, but we had both moved on fairly considerably from our previous interests.  To be honest, I didn't want to disturb the little guy.  

Regardless, I appreciate all of your endeavors Melanie.  Your son, and yourself have a special place in my brain.  I remember all the good times I had at the house.  I remember how much I ate of that odd mixture of M&Ms and peanuts in your pantry.  I remember Chad and I just sitting around talking at the playground.  And I remember trying to protect from the vigors of highschool and relationships. 

I'm sorry I wasn't around, and I'm especially sorry Chad is gone.  But, rest assured, his memory will always remain with me. Close

I dont want to over use this site thingy but I need to say....  / Suzi Hartigan (Was his girlfriend )
I was  looking over the pictures, and things....Remembering.

Its hard.... To say some things, becuase it hurts sometimes to think about it.  Its not that I didnt just absolutely love his smile, holding his hand, the way his skin felt and the way he took like twenty minutes checking his hair out before we went anywhere...
   Its just, that there are a million things I miss so much, and wish so badly that he could just... come back.

How does a person, that intoxicates my every single day with a happiness that I had never known before, just.... go like that?
And why?  Before I met Chad, I could not have said honestly that I knew what happiness was....  And before Chad died, I could not have told you honestly that I knew what true and horrid deep loss was.   I think now, that loss is the most painful of all emotions.
And its the hardest to cope with.

But some things, that I want to always remember, no matter how painful it can be....

I remember exactly how he looked, his build... The way his collarbones were so gorgeous to me, his wrists, his mouth everything right down to his leg hair... his beautiful pale skin, with scars that carried with it a past, But that past was full.  He had lived so much life in so little time.  He had experienced so much!  Sometimes I worried that I was too plain for him, but then again he made me feel like now there were these doors wide open to the future full of things I had never even imagined were possible for me....
  I remember the way he smelled, not just of Brut, but the hair gel , his room had a distint smell too, lol not all that bad...just interesting for sure.  
   The way his black jeans smelled, and felt.  I remember his laugh... Oh man, that laugh could make ANYBODY smile.  Those blue eyes, I could literally get lost in them, and find such serenity there... so much life!  I loved his nose, and his teeth, and his eyebrows.... People might think Im crazy for it, but I even loved his feet!  I remember one time he either asked me to rub them or they just ended up on my lap.... HA.... He totally had hobbit feet! omg....

I remember going through McDonalds alllll the time with him.... And Taco Hell.... We had such a good time.  .... Hell I even miss it when he was mad at me.  It was hard for me at first, becuase I was younger and ignorant, but I liked trying to work through things with him. I tried to learn from my mistakes, to grow up a little more each day. I could still have so much silly fun with him.  I loved playing Fable with him, or watching him play it.  And the RPG game we played for like a week straight or something, was really fun too!  We'd sit there at like 1-3 a.m.,  in the living room on the floor with Taco Hell (and Donald always ate my cheese sauce) and play video games or watch a movie... 
  We would make music, (mostly him), and I loved to watch him create masterpieces....  I miss talking to him on the phone for like 7 hours a night.  I miss being nocturnal with him, and killng slugs with him, and going through abadoned houses, taking picture and talking about ghosts and thoughts and dreams and polotics and just every  little thing we could manage to fit in before I had to go home....


The list goes on and on and on....
In such little time that I got to know him, I lived a much more fullfiling and happy life than I ever had before.......


Needless to say, I miss him. Close

Chad Miller, I miss you.  / Suzi Hartigan (Was his girlfriend )
Man, I really really miss him.
When we started dating I was 17.  I was young and had so much to learn about the world and how it worked.  Chad was helping me everyday with that, he taught me so much about myself and about people and the way they are.  He taught me how to have confidence that I had never had, to be honest with myself, have character... And so many things that you just cant learn in school or on your own.  He not only was my lover and my friend he was a bit of a mentor to me.  And I am so incredibly thankful for all the he did and gave to me, and also so very thankful that he had such an amazing mother.  She, as I see it, had a huge impact on why he turned out so great.  Id never met a mother and son who were so close, and really were friends...  He was proud to have her as a mother, you could see that much, and we all know she was proud of him, not all the time of course lol, but of who he was becoming, what he had over come... and what he was giving to the world and everyone in it.
I dont know if he really ever knew how much he meant to all of us, but I sincerely hope he can look down at us and see it now, and how much we love and miss him.
And although after his passing I didnt chose to deal with it the right way at first....  I am making a promise that now, and from this time on I will do my best to honor his prescious memory, and to make him just as proud as he made me, his friends and his mother.

He truly was the most amazing, talented, sincere, and influential person Ive ever met, and Im so very glad I had the oppertunity to even know him, let alone love him and be loved by him.
I love and miss you Chad Miller, and from the deepest part of my soul... Im sorry.  Till we meet again, keep up with the kick ass music! Close

nice, very nice  / Diana Jordan (melanie's friend )
Melanie, what a wonderful tribute to Chad's love of life.  He was a very talented young man.  You have every reason to be a proud mama.  ANd believe it or not, Bryce and Brandon were once Scorpio for halloween, my sister made the costumes, and I still have them.  Ya did good.  Hugs, Diana  Close

murdered / Selma Flynn(pomc) Bobbo.memory-of.com (friend)

my heart gos out to you and your family  i no the pain my son was also murdered and this is why im i write in this color bobby was shot 5time 3in the chest 2 time in the back after he was down my life is hell please feel free to visit bobby website at www.bobbo.memory-of.com and you can email me any time we will get through this together may god bless you

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Thinking of u and we are here for u  / Marla Tyler Breton's Mom
You and your family are in my prayers as you create this memorial.You will find it a place of love and comfort the more you come in. Atleast I feel that way about my Tyler's site. If you need a place to chat or just do nothing more than vent there are always people in the forums willing to lend an ear not neccessarily give advice but to just listen if need be. We all know your pain, With love and a caring Heart,
Marla Tyler Breton's Mom
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